


If only I could have told you sooner

by Sharp_9710



Category: Hololive, HololiveEN
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Tags May Change, i wish i knew what to tag this as
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28069113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharp_9710/pseuds/Sharp_9710
Summary: A flame is never eternal.
Relationships: Mori Calliope/Takanashi Kiara
Comments: 15
Kudos: 172





	1. Lost and Found

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I'm writing a fanfiction, if you have any critiques feel free to put them in the comments!
> 
> Also I won't have any set upload schedule, I'm just kinda' writing this for fun so updates will come when they come. But I do plan to commit to this, so hopefully I keep to that.
> 
> Thank you for reading!

She was supposed to be back by now.

"C'mon Kusotori, I know you don't take that long to revive. It wasn't funny the first hundred times and it sure as hell isn't funny now." I looked around the scorched area, trying to find her bright orange hair peeking out of any tree or bush she could be hiding behind, but to no avail. "Guys, help me look for her." I said, looking back at Gura, Ina, and Amelia who had followed me to see what it was like when a phoenix revived. Gura and Ina nodded and ran around the field shouting out Kiara's name, but the detective stood where she was, a frown on her face.

"Amelia? What's wrong?" I turned to her, a concerned look on her face, and an even bigger concern welling up inside of me. It wasn't often when Amelia would be like this. Hell, I can barely remember the last time I saw her this way. And that's what scared me the most. ".. Amelia?" I said, watching as she took a deep breath. My heart started beating faster as the concern in me grew.

"Calli..." she uttered, taking a short pause. Gura and Ina noticed and had walked over to us. "Kiara is..." " _No..._ " I interrupted Amelia mid-sentence. I knew what she was going to say next, I always knew it was going to happen, but I didn't think it would be this soon. Going by the looks on their faces, Gura and Ina both knew as well. ".. she's not coming back..." and like that, despite me anticipating them, the words hit me like a ton- no, _SEVERAL_ tons of bricks, straight to the gut. Gura and Ina reacted the same way, their faces showing deep shock. Despite what people hear, a phoenix doesn't last forever. In some mythologies, a phoenix loses a feather every time it dies, and when it runs out of feathers.. They die for good. 

Unfortunately, Kiara was that kind of phoenix.

She always told me that she was fine and that she had many more lives left to live, but something always itched in the back of my head, telling me she was lying. And to think, she really was. Out of the five of us, I always thought Amelia would be the first to go. Despite her being a time traveller, she was still human, not that I knew what kind of effects time travel had on a person. But for Kiara to be the first.. I wasn't prepared, not at all. Despite being death itself, the thought of someone close to me like her, someone who has been with me for centuries... I felt sick to my stomach, it churned around violently, unable to accept the reality that Kiara was gone. I kept mentally shouting to myself that Amelia was just pulling some sick prank along with her. But the look on her face was too genuine... too real.. 

Gura and Ina weren't any better off. Gura was covering her face, shaking and very obviously holding back.. tears? A scream? Both? While Ina was clutching her book as tears trickled down her cheeks. 

I couldn't take it anymore, the pain in my stomach, the yelling in my head. It was too much. The grip I had on my scythe tightened as I opened my mouth "You're kidding..." All three of them looked at me. "You're..." my scythe fell from my hands ".. **FUCKING KIDDING RIGHT!?** " the words came out of my mouth, louder than anything I had ever said before. "SHE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME IF SHE WAS DYING!" Gura and Ina looked at me in surprise, but Amelia still had that damn unmoving frown on her face. "After everything we've been through, do you really expect me to believe that she'd tell _YOU_ that she was dying over _**ME!?**_ " my heart was racing, I had never, ever, had an outburst like that. I looked her straight in the eyes as she looked back at me. 

The silence was deafening.

Then, she opened her mouth. "She didn't want you to worry about her. Cliché, I know, but she wanted you to live every day as if she still had centuries left to live. She didn't want to see you uncomfortable with the knowledge that she would pass much earlier than you thought. She wanted to see you be happy. I'm sorry, Calli.."

And like that, I got down on my knees and clutched my arms as my emotions overwhelmed me. Tears started to flow down my cheeks as my body shook. She was gone. And there was nothing I could do to change that. I muttered to myself as the others cried along with me. "If you told me.. the very least I could have done was tell you the truth... you damn.. shit bird...."

-=0=-

It's been a few decades since the day Kiara died. Gura became a professional rythm game player, entering competitions and winning many of them. Ina went on to become a famous illustrator, even making her own manga series. Having multiple tentacles really helps after all. Amelia now owns a detective company, working on cases pretty often since she's well known for always being spot on with her investigations. Despite decades having passed, she looks like she's barely past her 20's. Seems like time travel really does have an effect on humans.

As for me, I'm on another vacation from the underworld. It's surprising how generous they are with their vacation days. Of course, I still kept in touch with the others, even if the conversations were a little awkward since that fateful day. I had rented out an apartment in the same building as the one I stayed in before, for old time's sake.

I was heading back from the supermarket, both of my hands full with groceries. I got lost in thought, wondering what to do now that I was back. My mind was sent back to when Kiara and I went to the spa together. Not about the many times we went, but about the first time we had gone there together. Sadness creeped at my heart as I remembered her. Not that I had forgotten about her, but it still hurt to think about the cheery phoenix. I sighed to myself, looking down at the ground.

Suddenly, I collided with another person, causing the both of us to fall to the ground, soliciting a yelp of surprise from me, as well as the person I had bumped into. The groceries that I was holding were now scattered across the pavement. 'Good thing I didn't buy any eggs..' I thought to myself as I started gathering the things I had bought. As I got up so that I could gather the rest, I saw the other bag that was dropped being held in front of me.

"I'm so sorry!" I heard the voice behind the bag say. It sounded awfully familiar. "It's fine." I replied, grabbing the bag and looking at the person. "I wasn't paying attention so it's-" My voice trailed off as I looked at the lady in front of me, her hair was brown and fluffy, it looked so similar to.. her. And her eyes, despite being a dark blue, had the same feeling as that bird. I could almost see the skulls. It couldn't be. _**It couldn't be.**_ When a phoenix dies, they're gone for good. That's why Kiara was known as the last of her kind. They shouldn't be able to reincarnate in any way. It must have been a coincidence, but I couldn't stop myself. "It's you.." I muttered quietly, only heard by me and her.

"E-Eh? Sorry, but have we met before?" The woman asked me. It hurt. Despite hearing it said to me many times before, it hurt the most hearing this woman, who reminded me so much of the one I had lost so long ago say those words to me. As tears pricked the corners of my eyes, I quickly stood up. "No-Nope! Thanks for the help.. and sorry for running into you!" I said to her before quickly walking back to my apartment. 'I should have at least helped her back up.' was all I thought to myself as the distance between us increased.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the end for Chapter 1! It didn't come out exactly how I wanted it to, but I still like it!
> 
> Again, thank you for reading and I hope you look forward to future chapters!


	2. Hide and Seek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I didn't really clear up in the previous chapter,  
> Basic text = Regular dialogue  
>  _Italics_ = Thoughts/ Slight word stress  
>  **Bold** = Word stress
> 
> Please enjoy the chapter!

A day has passed since I met that woman, but I think I've cleared my head enough to not think about her too much. It probably was just a coincidence that she reminded me of Kiara. After all, the world has many individuals, who's to say I won't meet others who remind me of people whom I've met before. It's all in the past. As much as it pains me to admit it, Kiara is gone, and I need to move on.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.

Regardless, I won't let this bother me. I came back to relax and enjoy some time off, so I will. I put on a plain white shirt, a black hoodie, a pair of jeans and grabbed a backpack that I brought with me before heading out of my apartment and deciding to go to an aquarium. There was no reason behind why I chose to go to one, I just felt like it. As I was walking, a few thoughts popped into my mind, 'What if I ran into that woman again? Would she say anything to me? Would _I_ say anything to her?' I shook my head and continued on my way. I said I wasn't going to let this bother me and god be damned if I let it.

Eventually, I was in front of my destination. I paid the entrance fee and walked inside, going wherever my feet took me. I ended up in front of a large wall of glass, staring into the water, watching as many types of fish swam by. I didn't know what kind of fish were in there, that's more in Gura's expertise. 

All of a sudden, I felt a hand slap against my back and a familiar high-pitched voice exclaimed "Calli! How are ya'?". Speak of the shark. I turned around and saw Gura standing in front of me, a wide grin on her face. She was a little taller now, and a bit more developed. She still wore her old hoodie, paired with a pair of dark blue shorts. "Oh, uh.. hey Gura, fancy seeing you here." I replied to her, a little awkwardly since there were a few people looking at us due to Gura's little greeting. Her grin widened "I should be the one saying that to you! I didn't expect to see you in an aquarium." she answered. "Yeah, well, I just felt like going to one." I said. "I get'cha, the fish here _do_ look pretty tasty." the shark replied. I forgot that Gura's predator instincts tend to kick in when around large bodies of water and sea life. Out of nowhere, she grabbed my arm and started to drag me to a different area "Let's walk around together, we could catch up on eachother's lives!", I simply nodded and followed her lead.

As we walked around the aquarium, we asked eachother the usual questions you'd ask someone you haven't seen in a while like, "How've you been?", "What've you been doing?", and others. Then, she glanced over at me and asked in a quieter tone, "So, how have you been doing?" I looked over at her, a little confused, "Didn't you already ask me that?". She shook her head, "I mean, how have you been doing ever since Kiara... y'know..". I looked back at her. "I've been handling it... relatively well.", was all I could think of as a reply. "Oh, well, that's good to hear." The air was tense. I could hear Gura mutter a quiet "sorry.", to which I simply put my hand on her head and said, "It's alright, it's a sensitive topic for all of us." Gura nodded and we both stopped by the exit.

"Well! I think that's about it for our little journey, it was nice catching up with ya'!" she exclaimed, her energy regained. I smiled at her, "Yeah, it was great seeing you again. We should go out with the others next time." I said, raising up my fist slightly, to which she replied to by bumping her fist against it. "You've got yourself a deal!". And so, she turned and walked out of the aquarium, disappearing into the crowd outside. 

-=0=-

On the way back to my apartment, I stopped by a nearby bakery. From what I've read, this place sold some of the best cornets in Japan, so I wanted to try them out. As I walked in, I was greeted by the young lady behind the counter who had brown hair and cat ears. "Good afternoon!" she said cheerfully. I nodded back with a slight smile, picked up a tray and walked around the shop until I found what I was looking for. The 'Korone-t', as it was called. There was one left, 'Huh, lucky me.' I thought to myself as I picked it up using the tongs and put it onto my tray, turning around to head to the counter. I paid for the food and it was neatly packed in a little paper bag. I thanked the lady and continued my walk back.

As I was approaching my apartment, I saw that woman again. Right in front of the entrance. 

My breath hitched.

She was standing there, looking up at the building. Did she live here too? If so, why was she just standing outside? Was she.. no, she couldn't be stalking me, I'm just being paranoid. I took a deep breath and walked towards her. She must have heard me, because as I got closer, she glanced over at me. I stopped in my tracks, locking eyes with her. "It's you again!" she said as she turned to face me. "Uhm.. yeah, hi." I replied, at a loss for words. The woman's eyes widened as she looked back at the building, and then back at me, "Oh! Crap, sorry, I must seem creepy, staring at some random apartment building." she exclaimed, rubbing the back of her head. To which I replied, "No offense but, yeah, kinda'." she laughed. Her laugh sounded just like Kiara's. "Sorry," she said, ".. it's just that this building feels important to me for some reason. Even though I'm sure I've never been here before, it feels so.. familiar..." her voice drifted off as she looked back at the apartment. My heart was beating rapidly, this was way too many coincidences for me to be comfortable with. It really is her, isn't it..?

"Ah!" her sudden yelp brought me out of my thoughts, "I never introduced myself, my name's Nozomi Kira!". "Calli.", was all I could bring myself to say. "Calli.." she repeated. "I feel like I've heard that name before..."

'Because you have.' I thought to myself.

"That reminds me! Back when we first met, you said-"

" **It was nothing.** " I cut her off, my voice firm. She seemed a little shocked. So was I. The facade that I had made up so long ago came back. I was so used to it back then, but I hadn't done it in decades. Every time Kiara resurrected, she'd forget everything, and even though she would regain her memories sooner or later, it still hurt. So I tried pushing her away so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain. It never worked and she would come and find me, time and time again, I guess she managed to find me again this time. "S-Sorry! Sorry! I didn't mean to cut you off! It's- I just-!" as I was apologizing, she cut me off and said, "It's okay.", her mouth curled into a gentle smile and it felt like the whole word around us disappeared. _It was her._ Her gentle smile, her calming voice. It was just me and.. 

"Kiara..."

It took every muscle in my body to not pull her into a hug. Even if I knew this was her, she didn't know who I was, she didn't have any memory of me. And she wouldn't regain any memories of me. I snapped back to reality and in front of me stood, not Kiara, but this woman, Nozomi Kira. "Are you alright?" she asked me, tilting her head slightly. "Y-uh-yeah, yeah I'm good. Sorry about that." I replied, still a little out of it. She giggled and nodded, "Well, I think I've overstayed my welcome here. I should head home now, it was nice meeting you Calli!". As she turned around, I called out to her, "Uh, hey!". She turned to look at me. I took a deep breath. Even if she didn't have any memories of me, I could at least try to make some new memories with her. So I opened my mouth to speak.

"We should talk again sometime."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that marks the end of Chapter 2!
> 
> I had a little trouble writing out the beginning but I think it turned out well! If anything, coming up with a character name was the hardest part 草 . Thanks for reading!


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